The Same Poison Playbook
5 patterns that keep you choosing the same outcome — and how to see the loop before you repeat it
This isn't about fixing yourself. It's about seeing the loop clearly enough to choose differently.
The 5 Patterns
These patterns quietly drive repeated outcomes. Read through them and notice which one feels uncomfortably familiar right now.
The Hope Loop
You stay because of what could happen, not what is happening.
You keep dating someone who "has potential" but never shows up consistently. You stay at a job because they said things might change next quarter. You invest in a friendship that only exists when they need something.
What to do instead: Start tracking evidence, not potential. Make a list of what's actually happened in the last 30 days vs. what was promised. If the list is all future tense, you're in the loop.
The Overgiving Loop
You mistake depletion for devotion. If it's hard, it must mean something.
You're the one who always plans, always reaches out, always accommodates. You tell yourself it's because you care more, but really you're afraid that if you stop performing, you'll discover how little is being offered back.
What to do instead: Pull back for one week. Don't initiate, don't fix, don't chase. Notice who reaches for you and who doesn't. The silence will tell you everything you need to know.
The Avoidance Loop
You call waiting "trusting the timing." You call indecision "staying open."
You don't apply for the job because the stars aren't right. You don't have the hard conversation because you're "processing." You don't make the call because you're waiting for a sign. Meanwhile, nothing changes.
What to do instead: Set a decision deadline. Give yourself 48 hours to choose, then move. Indecision is still a decision — it's choosing to stay where you are.
The Almost-There Loop
You create momentum, then sabotage right before it locks in.
You start the business, then abandon it before launch. You get vulnerable, then ghost. You make progress, then pick a fight or create chaos right before things lock into place. You're more comfortable chasing than having.
What to do instead: Notice when you start inventing problems. Ask yourself: "Am I creating chaos because I'm more comfortable in motion than arrival?" Sit with the discomfort of having what you wanted. Let it be easy.
The Control Loop
You use research, planning, and certainty-seeking to avoid vulnerability.
You need one more course, one more sign, one more guarantee before you move. You analyze every angle to avoid feeling exposed. You optimize endlessly but never ship. Control feels like preparation, but it's actually a way to stay safe.
What to do instead: Move at 70% certainty. Set a timer for 24 hours. After that, you either act or you admit you're choosing not to. There's honor in both, but call it what it is.
The Cost of Repeating This
This tarot spread interrupts the loop before you repeat it. It's not for prediction or reassurance — it's designed to interrupt autopilot and bring the real decision into focus.
1.
The pattern I'm currently in
What loop am I running right now?
2.
What repeating this protects me from
What am I avoiding by staying here?
3.
The cost of choosing this again
What do I lose if I repeat this pattern?
4.
The cost of choosing differently
What do I risk if I break the loop?
5.
The decision I'm avoiding
What choice am I pretending I don't need to make?
BONUS: The 3-Question Gut Check
Use this before any major decision to cut through the noise and get clear fast
1. Am I moving toward something or running from something?
One expands you. The other just relocates the problem.
2. What would I tell my best friend to do?
You already know. You're just afraid to admit it.
3. Will I regret not trying?
Most regrets aren't about the risks we took. They're about the ones we didn't.